Niña Artista' was just one of those ideas that just popped into my head one day while gardening. I just had a burst of the entire image enter into my mind, and I was actually able to fly around in the entire idea of this painting to see all the detail. I saw a little skeleton girl, which looked like she fell into a well of some sort with immense light shining down on her head, and geometric shapes surrounding her. She was an artist, and these geometric shapes were all the paintings she would create through her entire life. The shapes also resembled blocks or buildings; like building blocks. There was also a tree of some sort that looked like she was a part of, growing along with this little creature. The entire painting would be in soft blue tones. I immediately grabbed my sketch book and jotted down as much as I could remember. Whenever a painting idea comes to me this fast, I know I need to paint it quickly, which is exactly what I did. As I began the painting, other things began to emerge, like the baby in a basket, and the over turned bicycle. I do not have a clear explanation of how this painting idea came to me. It could be a window into the subconscious or a daydream. I rarely question why I get these ideas, I just paint them, and then like to try and figure them out later or hear anyone else's version. At the time I created this painting, we had just thought about relocating to another house. Right before I completed the painting, we were about to begin moving. Maybe I had a premonition that we would move and I would feel uprooted. For me I think 'Niña Artista' means, no matter what life brings you, no matter where you live, or who is in your life or not, to never give up. Don't get discouraged. Always look to the light
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I put Frida in her beloved Mexico and put her dress that she had put in her piece titled, 'My Dress Hangs There' in the painting to depict a more happier and at peace Frida. You see, she was very unhappy when she created this because she was tired of being in America in the Big Apple, with Diego and yearned to travel back home to Mexico.
In Frida's painting, She puts her dress in her piece, surrounded by big, grey buildings, industrialization and city life. This kind of life depressed her. She wanted to escape from it all and go back to a simpler way of life, surrounded by colors, nature and her pets. My painting is a continuation of her journey and into the after life. We all hope Frida's suffering is over and that she is in a restful place. I had always wanted to create a piece of a Dentist, that was similar to my painting, 'El Doctór'. The time came to create 'La Dentista' as I was preparing for my show, 'Skeleton Garden' at Gallery 2014, Hollywood, FL. My family and I had just moved from Hollywood to Coral Springs, which left me with less time to create paintings for this solo show. I was very nervous that I wouldn't have the time to create the paintings. As I began, this painting seemed to just flow out of me, rather quickly and effortlessly. As I painted, the colors all came together and I was enjoying the process, although still concerned with lack of time. As I was nearing the completion of the painting, that night, my husband began complaining of a tooth ache. It was the next day, that I planned on completing 'La Dentista' with details left to paint on the tooth extraction, that my husband visited the real Dentist and had to have an emergency tooth extraction!! As I painted the very last details, at the very same moment I was painting, my husband was in the hot seat at the dental office, getting his tooth extracted!! I almost felt guilty for what happened; like I had something to do with it! It was so remarkable, that I decided to paint a clock in the painting with the time that this synchronicity occurred!
What I take from the bizarre occurrence, was it was the Universe's way of telling me, it's okay! Everything is happening exactly when it's supposed to! Do not worry!! You'll have enough time! Niña Artista came about in my mind, in a flash. It was a vision of the entire piece, that I was able to fly into and explore, while still in my mind's eye. I didn't question what it meant or why to create it, but knew I had to get this idea out quickly. Some paintings come to me in this way, and I can try to figure them out later. The figure or child in the middle represents a child painter, but could be any child with aspiring dreams and imagination; pretty much all children.
As life goes on and we learn to fit into society, life can get complicated, with kids of our own, mortgages, jobs,responsibilities. It's easy to get sucked into the whirlwind of life and lose sight of the child we once were; the child full of hope, imagination and dreams. I think if we keep that light alive, inside of us, we can aspire to come into our true and authentic selves. The message of this painting for me is hope; to hold on, look to the light, and not lose sight of that child within us. I created this piece because I believe a teacher is one of the highest callings a person can have. We live our lives, gain wisdom through our personal journey, and then in turn to share that wisdom, is the greatest gifts we give to others; To help, empower and connect with fellow man.
Anyone and everyone is a teacher at some point. I am a teacher, my child is a teacher; my neighbor is a teacher. Personally, My dog has been one of my greatest teachers. I've been going through a rough patch, or so I thought with my art process lately. I feel it is always evolving, since I'm constantly learning, every time I arrive at the canvas. My process has usually been, just go with the flow and it will all work out! – Well okay, it’s a bit more complicated than that. I'm self-taught and it’s not something I brag about, or feel bad about, but it’s just a fact.
It’s easy to get discouraged with it, when I see so many artists that appear to have their process down. I’m someone who has been unsure of me, and believe it or not- afraid of color. I gradually have to build up to it, instead of going in for the ‘attack’- as it looks like other artists do. I've been going back and forth between the voices inside of me that say, just TRUST in YOUR process, and looking on Facebook at other artists work and feeling inadequate, and amateurish. With all this activity in one’s mind, it can be difficult to let go and just create. So… I continued working in this disturbed manner on my bathtub paintings, and after spending a good few hours just being ‘free with it’ stopped and looked at where I was going and got completely lost!! This is not something that ever usually happens to me. Usually I carry a painting from start to finish without major hang ups. I can usually work through the difficult spots. I felt I had lost vision or direction – or both!! It started a huge wave of self-doubt. But still I heard the voices to ‘TRUST YOUR PROCESS’. Well, through the holiday weekend, I put the painting off to the side, and seriously thought about starting over, which I would consider to be a major defeat. I spent quality time with my family, and when I was ready, decided to get back to the bath tub series, but paint on a different painting. I felt like when I had returned to the easel I had given up. I said to myself, I let it go;- any expectations, any preconceived notions about my art, anything. I felt like I was starting over and it actually felt very good and very free. I was like, ‘well, this is all I got!’. Me and my little skeletons. I worked on a different painting of the series, and the more I painted, the more this cloud of self-doubt began to lift! I could see things developing in the painting that I had originally envisioned. It had appeared that some part of me knew what it was doing the whole time!! With this new feeling of confidence and wonder, I approached the original 1st started to speak to me. (They do that). I immediately saw the color that would tie everything together and it was the color that I originally envisioned the whole scene being; Purple. As I began adding purple, everything started making sense again!; it’s like I went about the painting, in a complete round about and backwards way, but for it all to work out in the end! I couldn’t believe it!! That voice that kept saying ‘TRUST’ was all I needed to hear. Nothing outside of myself is what I needed to evolve further; it was all inside me. The more I had looked elsewhere when I was confused, the worse my feelings of self-doubt became. So, Life has given me another good lesson. TRUST. That’s it!; Pretty simple just trust. Trust that each artist’s methods for creating art, is uniquely theirs as mine is uniquely mine; whether you are educated painting of this series (the one I almost discarded) and looked at it, and it or self-taught; each person has the experiences in their life that makes them arrive to their process and it’s all really perfect!; All of it. I feel good about this. Artist Heather Calderón I've been on a quest throughout the years and especially most recently to find something in my life that I'm missing. I've tried to fill a void in my past with things (clothes, trinkets, alcohol, food) but every time I do, I realize it's just not enough. It's never enough. I'm not particularly a religious person, although Catholic, have not attended mass in years. The older I get, I realize, nothing external is going to do it for me. The quest that I've been on lately is internal. I feel I'm going in another direction, instead of outward, it's inward I'm headed. I happened to find a book that really speaks to me on this journey and it's called 'Be Here Now' by Ram Dass. I saw a documentary on this man and his life experience so far, on Netflix and was eager to hear his message. It's definitely shaping my life lately and given me much wisdom and also awakened and opened my heart. It has shown me, what I've been searching for, was here all along. Here is a passage from the book of an ancient story (late 4th century BC) from Chinese Philosopher, Chuang Tzu. This speaks to me as an artist and the process for creation:
"Ch'ing, the chief carpenter, was carving wood into a stand for musical instruments. When finished, the work appeared to those who saw it as though of supernatural execution; and the Prince of Lu asked him, saying, 'What mystery is there in your art?' 'No mystery, Your Highness,' replied Ch'ing. 'And yet there is something. When I am about to make such a stand, I guard against any diminution of my vital power. I first reduce my mind to absolute quiescence. Three days in this condition, and I become oblivious of any reward to be gained. Five days, and I become oblivious of any fame to be acquired. Seven days and I become unconscious of my four limbs and my physical frame. Then, with no thought of the Court present in my mind, my skill becomes concentrated, and all disturbing elements from without are gone. I enter some mountain forest, I search for the suitable tree, It contains the form required, which is afterwards elaborated. I see the stand in my mind's eye,and then set to work. Beyond that there is nothing. I bring my own native capacity into the relation with that of the wood. What was suspected to be of supernatural execution in my work was due solely to this." -Chuang Tzu I keep following this path of art and I'm realizing it's giving me so much more back in return. It's a deeper understanding for how it all is. Hope you enjoyed the story. Heather Calderón |
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November 2022
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